| bitterness |
unbelief |
impatience |
| passivity |
chronic unmet needs |
resentment |
| rebellion |
tension |
hopelessness |
| judgmentalism |
self-pity |
anxiety |
| gossip |
self-righteousness |
punishing silence |
| broken relationships |
chronic frustration |
selfishness |
| rejection |
manipulation |
addictions |
| racism |
pride |
deception |
| perfectionism |
criticism |
negativism |
| adultery |
legalism |
rigidity |
| legalism |
rage |
verbal abuse |
| physical abuse |
sarcasm |
divorce |
| control |
hatred |
whining |
| backbiting |
blame |
jealousy |
| loneliness |
isolation |
despair |
| some sickness |
some depression |
shallowness |
| defensiveness in relationships |
withholding of love and affection |
lying to self others and God |
| insensitivity to self, others and God |
lack of awareness of self, others and God |
dishonesty with self, others and God |
These are not endearing qualities nor are they easy to live with
in ourselves or others. Unforgiveness is fertile soil for their propagation
and growth.
God's love and forgiveness are our only hope and remedy for a broken
heart, a shattered life and a wicked world.
Forgiveness
is love's toughest
work.
Paul Carlin
What We Give Out Comes Back
to Us in Abundance
One apple seed produces one tree.
That tree bears hundreds of apples. Each one of those apples contains numerous
seeds. The single seed that produced one tree produces thousands of seeds,
all potential trees, each capable of producing millions more seeds. The
same can be said about judgment and unforgiveness, and its consequences
are devastating. Our unforgiveness doesn't just remain static. It grows
and flows and overflows into every area of our lives, affecting every one
of our relationships. Whether it be mercy or judgment, we will daily see
our attitudes returning to us through the attitudes of others.
Mercy is the impetus for forgiveness
and judgment is the antithesis of both.
Jesus said, "And just as you want
people to treat you, treat them in the same way. And if you love those
who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who
love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit
is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those
from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners
lend to sinners, in order to receive back the same amount. But love your
enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward
will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is
kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merci- ful, just as your Father is
merciful. And do not judge and you will not be judged; and do not condemn,
and you will not be con- demned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give,
and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together,
running over, they will pour into your lap. For by your standard of measure
[of judgment, mercy or forgiveness] it will be measured to you in return."
(Luke 6:31-38).
1 Corinthians 6:1-6
tell us that there is an appropriate time and an appropriate way for the
church to render judgment. Harsh condemnation, criticism and contentiousness
out of an unforgiving attitude are obviously not an appropriate form of
judgment. This kind of judgment is rendered irresponsibly and legalistically
at one's will.
In 1 Corinthians
6 Paul speaks of a wise, loving, gracious and judicious judgment
in the settlement of violations and differences. All Christians are called
to this kind of mediatory process when needed. Determining certain acts
and behaviors to be sin is not a wrong kind of judgment. It is the attitude
of heart with which we make our pronouncements that determines their appropriateness,
and be assured that we can never fool God when we render our judgments
with the smile and kiss of a Judas.
Love never fails. Discipline in
love is sometimes needed in the church. And so is honest and loving communication.
This kind of judgment is rendered in love and grace. There is an example
of biblical discipline further down in the article.
What we give out comes back to
us. When we forgive, we receive forgiveness. When we judge harshly, maliciously,
critically and unforgivingly, judgment confronts us harshly, critically
and unforgivingly at every turn, from the rude person at the check
out stand in the grocery store
to generations of broken family relationships
(Luke 6:36-37).
We reap a bountiful harvest of whatever we sow (Galatians
6:7-8), even in our relationship with the Lord.
"With the merciful thou wilt show
thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt show thyself upright; with
the pure thou wilt show thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt show
thyself froward" (Psalm 18:25-26).
Our children learn
from
what is true about
us,
not from what we
want them to believe
about us.
It's important to realize that
there is no such thing as a secret. We may think that we are covering up
our inner attitudes and lies, but we don't just live in the physical world.
We also live in a profoundly real spiritual world. Our children are particularly
sensitive to us. And they are very "tuned in" to the spiritual world. At
some level, our hidden attitudes and motives are being communicated all
the time. We may think we are successfully covering them up with a pleasant
smile, but we cannot prevent them from being discerned by our children
or anyone else.
We may fool all of the people
some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but we will never
fool all of the people all of the time. We cannot bear fruit from any place
other than the soil of our hearts.
" . . . 'Beware of the leaven
of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy [pretense]. But there is nothing covered
up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known'"
(Luke 12:1-2).
"Furthermore, in your bedchamber
do not curse a king, and in your sleeping rooms do not curse a rich man,
for a bird of the heavens will carry the sound, and the winged creature
will make the matter known" (Ecclesiastes 10:20 NAS).
Our children learn from what is
true about us, not from what we want them to believe about us. Newborn
babies are terribly frightened when things are volatile around them. How
can you tell? By their screams! Even young babies sense when they are wanted
or unwanted, loved or unloved, when we are stressed or relaxed, and they
begin to manifest very early their responses to life based on what they
instinctively know about us. When harsh words fly, they become agitated.
When we cuddle, smile and coo to them they nuzzle in and smile and coo
back. Our responsibility in our relationship to God is never more evident
than in the love and care of our children. Except for and because of our
relationship with Him, there is nothing we do that is more important
than how we conduct ourselves in our relationships with our spouses and
children. It will impact them and the generations that follow for good
or for evil.
From the most subtle tension or
fear to blatant anger and strife, our spirits impact our children's spirits.
When things are unpleasant too much of the time without the reinforcement
of love, smiles and comfort, many children give up and withdraw into a
silent place inside themselves, never to come out again. Many others grow
up angry at the world and enclose themselves behind walls. When trust is
broken too often without restitution, the potential for intimacy is lost—sometimes
forever. We need to remember that we are spiritual beings and so are our
children. They are in tune with all of us, but especially with our spirits.
Forgiveness is our only hope. Forgiveness is living the gospel where the
rubber meets the road.
It is easy to see our strengths
and weaknesses, our love and rejection, our forgiveness and our bitterness
developing in our children as they grow up.
If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he
learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with
acceptance and friendship, he
learns to find love in the world.
Anonymous
|
As parents, when we harbor bitterness
in our hearts toward those who injure us, our children, neighbors and associates
will return the same into our bosoms through many grievous offenses and
the same will happen to them. Are we not seeing this phenomenon in the
world today?
We do not live in a vacuum. The
law of generations demands that our iniquities be passed down to the third
and fourth generations. The law of love and grace begins and ends with
forgiveness.
The cycle of destruction is broken
through the grace of love, forgiveness and repentance. Philip Yancey wrote
in What's So Amazing About Grace that "grace is the only force in
the universe powerful enough to break the chains that enslave generations.
Grace alone melts ungrace". By the spiritual laws of the universe, forgiveness,
the greatest expression of grace, or unforgiveness, which Yancey calls
"ungrace", determines our destiny and the destiny of those we love. We
must, as Yancey wrote, defy "the natural law of retribution and fairness"
to free us and the generations that follow us.
Forgiveness is the
soil of unconditional love,
freedom and
reaping the blessings
of the fathers.
Unforgiveness is the
soil
of judgment and
reaping the iniquities
of the fathers.
Forgiveness unlocks prison doors
and sets us free to be trans- formed into the image of Jesus. It does the
same for those forgiven. Though usually a process and not an overnight
event, its opens the doors to reconciliation and restoration of the very
things we long for. It also opens doors for the Lord to satisfy and fulfill
our quiet longings and painful unmet needs in ways we never dreamed possible.
Our families, our nation and our
world desperately need to see the redemptive mercy and forgiveness of the
Lord through His living, breathing body—through you and me. So do we!
Matthew 18
Matthew 18
is the consummate, definitive chapter in the Bible on the necessity of
forgiving one another. Matthew Henry's Commen- tary says that the entire
chapter of Matthew
18
is about forgiveness, so we
must view all things said there through that prism. We will start with
verses 15-17.
"Moreover if thy brother shall
trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone:
if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not
hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two
or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect
to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church,
let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican" (vv. 15-17).
If someone has offended us, it
is important to go to them. If they refuse to acknowledge their wrong,
we go back to them and take someone with us. If they are still resistant
to restitution and reconciliation, then we are to count them a heathen.
I particularly like Matthew Henry's
comments on verse 17.
"If he will not hear the church,
will not stand to their award, but persists in the wrong he has done you,
and proceeds to do you further wrong, let him be to you as a heathen man,
and a publican; take the benefit of the law against him, but let that always
be the last remedy; appeal not to the courts of justice till you have first
tried all other means to compromise the matter in variance. Or you may,
if you will, break off your friendship and familiarity with him; though
you must by no means study revenge, yet you may choose whether you will
have any dealings with him, at least, in such a way as may give him an
opportunity of doing the like again. You would have healed him, would have
preserved his friendship, but he would not, and so has forfeited it. If
a man cheat and abuse me once, it is his fault; if twice, it is my own."
Mercy is the impetus
for forgiveness
and
judgment is the antithesis
of both.
V. 18
"Truly I say to you, whatever
you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose
on earth shall be loosed in heaven."
a) According to Thayer's Lexicon,
to bind means to put under obligation, used of the law, duty, etc. (Thayer
#1210).
This is what we do with unforgiveness. We hold people to a rigid standard
of ought to's, must's and should's. When they fail to measure up, we bind
them by our judgments and close our hearts to them.
There are certainly lots of ought
to's, must's and should's that are not only appropriate but mandatory.
A father should not molest his children. A mother ought not leave her helpless
children unattend- ed. A young boy must not lie to his parents. A young
girl should not abuse her little brother. And, yes! In an ideal world,
mothers and fathers should nurture and care for their children, husbands
should love their wives as Christ loves the church and wives should respect
their husbands as unto the Lord. When these things go awry, which they
are prone to do in a fallen world, it is important for our own well-being
as
well as the offenders' to forgive those who have committed such things
against us.
It should be mentioned that a
legalistic, demanding attitude of calling in even godly "obligations" is
rarely successful and mostly resented. It is love and grace and forgiveness
and truth that never fail.
b) Debt as used in the following
passages of Matthew 18 also means to owe, to be under obligation (ought
to, must, should), to be bound. It's meaning is similar to a).
c) "Binding" and "debt" are unforgiveness
words. They are words that unremittingly hold others to our expectations
and demands— even to Biblical ideals all the while ignoring them ourselves.
Unforgiveness and resentment choke off the breath of Life, leaving little
or no room for change in us or those around us.
d) Loosing is a forgiveness word.
(See v. 27). One of the Greek words for redemption
also means loosing. Loosing someone from our expectations and demands is
not giving up on them, it is making way for God's grace to meet our needs
and to change us and those around us.
The Power of Loosing/Forgiveness
One testimony of the power of
loosing and forgiveness stands out in my mind above many outstanding ones.
It took place in Northern India. The tent overflowed that day with ministers
and disciples from all over India. The faces in the audience reflected
their hunger and eagerness to hear God's truth from the American ministers.
As I stood at the podium, translators of the three major languages of India
stood beside me. In the audience others translated into numerous dialects.
I trembled from head to toe. Would this teaching impact the people of India
in the same way it does my western culture? I quickly learned that people
are the same everywhere, no matter what language we speak, the religion
or non-religion we have, the position we hold, or the color of our skin.
Relationships are of central importance to everyone, especially to believers.
And the truth's of God's Word are true for everyone everywhere.
Relationships are central
in importance to everyone,
no matter what
language we speak,
the religion or non-religion
we are, the position
we hold
or what color our
skin—
especially to believers.
A few minutes into my message,
I came to the place where I compare unforgiveness to putting someone in
prison
(Matthew 18:28-30). I gave the following example
from my life:
Over the years I had formed many
judgments against my father. One afternoon I made a list of every one I
could remember and prayed over them. Tearfully I repented of my judgments
against my father and forgave him for his debts against me, both real and
imagined.
At that time, my father had not
been in church for over twenty years. I had shared my faith in Jesus Christ
with him, but I had never invited him to attend church with me. Much to
my surprise, less than one week after I repented and forgave him (without
saying a word to him), my father spontaneously visited my church even though
I had not invited him. The church I attended at that time was very much
off the beaten path. It was not a Sunday morning or a Wednesday evening
meeting. It was on a Thursday evening, an unusual night for a meeting at
the church. Dad had to go way out of his way to get there.
Sitting in my seat, I gazed across
the room as I watched him come through the door and move through the crowd
in my direction. "Dad, what are you doing here?", I asked. "How did you
know there was a meeting tonight?" I asked. His only explanation was that
he just decided to come to church. My father never knew I had him held
prisoner. My repentance of my judgments against my father and my forgiveness
of him caused the doors of his prison and mine to swing open wide. My father
walked out free. He attended church regularly from that day to the day
of his death.
A year or so later, I took my
father out to lunch. As we began to eat, he harshly criticized the way
I held my knife, hurling the insult my way, "You are no daughter of mine.
I ought to disown you". I said nothing in reply, but tears welled up in
my eyes. Later my father said, "I deeply regret saying that to you. I am
so sorry". This was a profound change for my father. Forgiveness is like
dynamite. It can blast the stone away from the hardest heart.
As I related these stories about
my father, a hush fell over the crowd sitting under that tent. I had their
full attention. Over five hundred pairs of piercing eyes remained glued
to me as each translator took his turn telling my story. Many were filled
with tears.
Over five hundred
pairs of piercing
eyes
remained glued to
me
as each translator
took his turn telling
my story.
One face stood out in the crowd.
I still remember where he was sitting. He sat several rows from the front
on the inside right aisle. His bald, round head, large eyes and rapt attention
were riveting. At the end of the message, the pastor, Paul Pillai, gave
an appeal. This man was the first to reach the altar. Immediately, the
altar filled with hundreds of people. Wailing filled the tent. Tears flowed
like fountains. Godly sorrow and repentance were taking place in hearts
all over the room.
I could not get the man with the
round, bald head and intense gaze out of my mind. Later I asked Paul about
him. Paul told me this man was one of the most beloved evangelists in all
of India. Thirteen years earlier, he had converted from the Sikh religion
to Christian- ity. As a result of his conversion, his wife's family removed
her from his home and demanded a divorce. He refused. Instead, he chose
to stand for the restoration and salvation of his wife and his marriage.
His wife's family repeatedly tried to kill him to free her from their union!
This man told Paul he had never
realized he had judged his wife and her family for the internal and external
wounds of their many persecutions against him. He had felt justified for
his bitterness and woundedness. God convicted him that he had been holding
his wife and her family prisoners to his hurt and bitterness. He repented
and forgave them all. End of story, right? Wrong!
Six months later, Paul passed
through town. I was describing what had happened that day in India to a
group of friends standing around Paul. "Anne," he exclaimed, "I cannot
believe I haven't told you this until just now. That man's marriage is
restored. His wife gave her life to Christ, and she is now an even more
radical evangelist than he. She runs up and down the streets, knocking
on doors and telling people about the Lord."
This is a true story and, though
often very mysterious to me, God's ways are faithful and true. And they
are so powerful! We clearly see the principle of binding and loosing illustrated
here. They are corroborated in 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 (AMP).
"If you forgive anyone anything,
I too forgive that one; and what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything,
has been for your sakes in the presence [and with the approval] of Christ
(the Messiah), To keep Satan from getting the advantage over us; for we
are not ignorant of his wiles and intentions."
Your forgiveness of another
opens the door to God's forgiveness of them as well. This alone
is a powerful and important truth, yet there is an additional powerful
and important truth in these verses. When we walk in forgiveness of others,
Satan can gain no advan- tage over us. The principle is clear. What is
good and excellent for you and me is good and excellent for others and
what is good for others is good for you and me.
VV. 19-20
"Again I say to you, that if two
of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done
for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three have gathered in
my name, there I am in their midst."
This is another powerful truth
that validates the previous truths. When we agree on earth it is done in
heaven. Two or more can agree for God's best or the devil's worst. It is
to some degree up to us. This is why the mischief of gossip is so dangerous.
Peter was like most
of us.
He wanted to know
just how far this forgiveness thing goes.
VV. 21-22
"Then Peter came and said to Him,
‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up
to seven times? Jesus said unto him, 'I do not say unto you seven times,
but up to seventy times seven'."
Peter asked the million dollar question. Like us, he wanted to know
just how far this forgiveness thing goes. Just exactly, Lord, how many
times do I have to forgive jerks, idiots and vicious people? I have asked
the Lord many times, "How many times do I forgive someone who continues
to abuse me and demonstrates no desire, willingness, need or ability to
change?"
The word "seventy" is an eternal
word. It implies forever. In other words there is no end to forgiving one
another.
Jesus cut Peter no slack. "Forever, Peter. Forever." His
answer to me is the same. "Forever, Anne. Forever".
Misbeliefs/False Beliefs about
Forgiveness:
Forever is a long time. We
have many misbeliefs and blockages which hinder our forgiveness of others
one
time, much less living a lifetime lifestyle of forgiveness. Let's look
at some of the most prevalent.
1. We falsely believe that forgiveness is saying the wrong someone
did is right. It is not. Instead it is saying, "I'll let God be your judge".
Forgiveness does not let someone who has wronged you off the hook with
God. It lets YOU off the hook with God.
2. We falsely believe that forgiveness is overlooking or ignoring
an offense. It is not. It is resolving it, either with the one who offended
us or within ourselves with God through forgiveness.
3. We falsely believe that forgiveness means we cannot express
our feelings, desires and needs. It does not. When we use "I" messages
instead of "you" messages we can express all of them. For instance, if
I say "You make me so angry", I am blaming you for my anger. If I say instead,
"I feel angry with you when you
. . . ", I am taking responsibility for my feelings instead of blaming
you for them. At the same time I am communicating what I feel angry about.
When I say, "I need a hug", I am taking respons- ibility for getting my
needs met. When I say, "You never hug me", I am blaming you for not reading
my mind. When I say "I want a new putter, or a new drill for my birthday"
instead of saying "You never give me what I want for my birthday", I am
expressing my desires instead of accusing you of failing to meet them.
4. We falsely believe that forgiveness means we have to agree with
one another. It does not. We can disagree on many things and still have
a close relationship. It is important, however, that we agree on the essential
issues of life before we enter into the possibility of a marriage relationship
or any other covenental/ contractual commitment. It is especially essential
for both to establish up front that Jesus is Lord of all parties involved.
Things of this magnitude need to be evident from the beginning—way before
we become emotion- ally and contractually involved. And not just in words
but by the confirmation of people who know our potential partners well.
I am a widow. I have many wonderful women friends. My deep connection
with them has been built upon praying together over many years. I do not
believe it is possible to have the kind of trust and closeness I have with
my friends without the common ground of a deep commitment to the Lord.
What I am trying to say here is that, as Christians, this is one thing
we need to agree on to have meaningful, fulfilling relationships. And certainly,
if all of us did not understand the importance of forgiveness, my friends
and I would not still be growing in our relationships with one another.
We have truly been knit together through our relationship with Jesus Christ
and the intimacy of praying together for many years.
I do have relationships with non-believers, but they are not at all
the same quality of intimacy as my relationships with my committed believing
friends because they simply cannot be.
5. We falsely believe that unforgiveness gives us control over a
person or situation. It does not. It only makes resolution and
closeness impossible.
We have many
misbeliefs and blockages
about forgiveness.
6. We falsely believe that forgiveness means we have to try to have
an intimate relationship with those who continually hurt us. It does not
unless, of course, the Lord clearly impresses us differently.
I remind you again what Matthew
Henry said about Matthew 18:15- 17, regarding those
who refuse to repent and make restitution for their offenses against us,
"If he will not hear the church, will not stand to their award, but persists
in the wrong he has done you, and proceeds to do you further wrong, let
him be to you as a heathen man, and a publican; take the benefit of the
law against him, but let that always be the last remedy; appeal not to
the courts of justice till you have first tried all other means to compromise
the matter in variance. Or you may, if you will, break off your friendship
and familiarity with him; though you must by no means study revenge, yet
you may choose whether you will have any dealings with him, at least, in
such a way as may give him an opportunity of doing the like again. You
would have healed him, would have preserved his friendship, but he would
not, and so has forfeited it. If a man cheat and abuse me once, it is his
fault; if twice, it is my own."
My own question for you is this.
How are we to treat heathens? I believe we are to love them as Christ loves
them. Are we supposed to be yoked with them? No, not according to 2
Corinthians 6:14-18. Unless, of course, we are already yoked with
them in marriage. Paul addresses this sticky question in 1
Corinthians 9. I'll leave this one for you to search out for yourself
should you so desire.
We are not bound
to trust an enemy;
but we are bound
to forgive him.
Thomas Watson
Died 1680
Relationships are based on trust. We are commanded to love everyone.
We are not commanded to trust everyone. The Lord loves us all, but he does
not reveal Himself to us all at once. He unfolds Himself in His word to
us as we prove trustworthy. We should be equally judicious.
Jesus' love for those around Him was equal, yet He had different
levels of closeness in His relationships. His closest and most important
relationship was with His Father, as should be ours. John seems to have
been his second closest relationship and Peter and James were on the third
tier of relationship with Him. The fourth tier of closeness would have
been the remaining nine disciples and probably Lazarus, Mary and Martha,
as well as the women mentioned in Luke 8:2-3. The
fifth tier was most likely the seventy disciples. And the sixth tier was
the multitudes.
Jesus knew he had Judas in His midst but he also knew he was untrustworthy.
There is no evidence that Jesus was ever close to him. Likewise, Jesus
never trusted nor entrusted himself to the Scribes and Pharisees. Shockingly
(to us and to them), in John 8:44 he proclaimed them
to be sons of the devil.
We have all been victimized,
some of us more than others.
7. We falsely believe that forgiveness means there will be no consequences
to those who have wronged us. It does not. The desire to see someone punished,
however, is strong evidence of unrelenting bitterness and unforgiveness.
It is a spiritual law that everyone reaps what they sow. No exceptions.
When the Lord chastens and disciplines, however, it is always with the
intention of redemption. When we punish, it inevitably ends up in destruction.
Corrie ten Boom left us a stunning example of forgiveness. Her sister
was murdered by a Nazi in a German concentration camp.
By God's grace she was able to forgive him. She prayed for him for
many years. Long after World War II ended, this man came to see her at
a meeting where she was speaking. He had become a Chris- tian. After the
meeting he came to her in tearful remorse and begged for her forgiveness.
She, of course, had long ago forgiven him.
We may think we can never rise to Corrie ten Boom's level of maturity
in our walk, but—though it will bring a flood of tears—it
is precisely these kinds of steps of faith that bring us into peace,
restoration and greater maturity. God's grace will enable us.
8. We have all been victimized in many ways. Ridicule, verbal abuse,
physical abuse, sexual abuse, ritual abuse, both private and public humiliation,
racism, discrimination and intimidation are prevalent in every society.
These offenses victimize us, but they don't have to make victims of us
for life. Those who have offended us may remain stuck in their abusive
ways, but when we begin to forgive, we are freed from the judgments and
violations of others.
John Piper wrote of forgiveness in his book Future Grace that
the issue of releasing grudges is an issue of faith in God's promises of
the future grace—the future grace [to us] of judgment on the offender.
If we believe God's promise, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay" (Romans
12:19), then we will not belittle God with our inferior efforts
to improve upon his justice. We will leave the matter with him and live
in the freedom of love toward our enemy—whether the enemy repents or not.
Unforgiven victimization by others ends up enslaving us to an attitude
of victimization, powerlessness, loneliness, isolation, failure and often,
vengefulness. As we forgive, God transforms us from victims to overcomers—from
wounded, ineffective people to redemptive agents of His loving Hand. We
are set free from those who have wounded us to become healers of the wounded.
9. We also falsely believe that unforgiveness will protect us from
victimization—that if we hold onto our anger, bitterness and unforgiveness
toward someone who has hurt us, it will protect us from further hurt. It
will not. It probably makes us even more vulnerable to being victimized
again.
VV. 23-24
"For this reason the kingdom of
heaven may be compared to a certain king who wished to settle accounts
with his slaves. And when he had begun to settle them, there was brought
to him one who owed him ten thousand talents."
Ten thousand talents was equivalent
to close to a billion dollars in today's money. Obviously this is an amount
impossible for all but a very few people in the world to pay. Of course
this slave could not pay such an huge sum! It was ridiculous and irrational
to even say he would.
Jesus used this outrageous amount
of debt to tell Peter and all those standing around him that we owe a debt
we can never pay, even though many of us spend our lives trying. Once we
relinquish ourselves in total surrender to the Lord, He forgives our debt.
Apart from the Lord, we are spiritual
paupers. Until we realize this we will be spiritual runts.
Apart from the Lord,
we are spiritual paupers.
Until we realize this
we will
be spiritual pygmies.
V. 25
"But since he did not have the
means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife
and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made."
When we cannot pay our debts,
we are not the only one who suffers. Our family is thrown into slavery
or debtor's prison with us. Translated from parable to reality, this means
when we have not surrendered our all to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, including
our bitterness, unforgiveness and right to judge anyone and everyone, all
of those in our circle suffer, especially those we love and care the most
about.
This has nothing to do with whether
we are good people or not. To consider morality and immorality the crux
of our great debt to the Lord is to miss the greater truth. It is our claim
to our right to our "selves" that is the great issue between us and God.
The core of sin is making ourselves the center of life rather than allowing
the Lord that place. All sin is the fruit of this root. This is the crime
that has created the great debt we can never pay—our claim to our right
to ourselves. And this slave is asserting that right to Jesus, even as
and because he promises to pay his unpayable debt!
All sin is rooted in
making ourselves the center of life.
This is the crime
that has created the great debt
we can never pay—
our claim to our right
to ourselves.
V. 26
"The slave therefore falling down,
prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will
repay you everything."
The average salary of a slave
in those days was $10-20 a day. It was laughable—no arrogant—even delusional—for
this slave to think he could ever repay his enormous debt, yet somewhere
lurking in all of us is the belief that we can somehow compensate God—make
it up to Him—for our weaknesses, failures, sins and, yes, our "self"- ishness.
This is certainly a picture of
the debt every lost person owes God until he accepts the redemption of
Jesus Christ, which cannot be purchased for any amount of money, good intentions
or good works.
V. 27
"And the Lord of that slave felt
compassion and released [loosed] him and forgave him the debt."
We learn from this verse that
forgiveness is conceived in and born from the womb of the Lord's compassion,
and when we are forgiven, we are loosed from our great debt of Sin.
V. 28
"But the slave went out and found
one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii [one day's pay];
and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe."
The one who had been forgiven
the enormous debt of one billion dollars refused to forgive the debtor
who owed him one day's pay. We are shocked at his behavior, yet the same
can be said for us. We are born again into the kingdom of God because we
accept the forgiveness of a great debt we owe God. We then often turn around
and refuse to forgive the debts [ought to's, musts and shoulds] of loved
ones, friends, leaders, political groups, ethnic groups, races, etc.. We
have no right to sneer at this slave. Without a doubt, he is us!
When we refuse to forgive the
debts of another—our own particular set of ought to's, must's and should's—when
we demand that payment be made, metaphorically, we are choking the life
out of the one we refuse to forgive.
V. 29
"So his fellow slave fell down
and began to entreat him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay
you.'"
These are the very words the one
who had been forgiven the great debt said to the Lord (v. 26),
and the Lord answered his request, yet he refused to forgive his fellow
slave, the very thing he had asked for and received from the Lord. And
it was only a puny one-day's pay!
That dear woman was
bound in my memory
as a fool, yet God had done
great things in her
life.
V. 30
"He was unwilling, however, but
went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed."
Remember, Jesus is using the form
of a parable here. He is using a story to illustrate spiritual truths.
When we refuse to forgive, we throw people into our prison and we throw
away the key.
I remember one woman in particular
I had judged for my perception of her as legalistic and phony. That perception
of her remained as my one decision about who she was. She was held prisoner
to that decision in the prison of my mind. Years later I ran into her.
I was surprised, delighted and ashamed. She was not the woman I remembered
at all. Just like me, she had grown in the grace of the Lord.
There is another important point
to be made here. When people were taken prisoner in the Bible, they were
always bound. The same is true today. Prisoners are handcuffed. So we see
the principle that what we bind on earth is bound in heaven. That dear
woman was bound in my memory as a fool, yet it hadn't bound her from God's
grace. She had walked in love for me. Consequently my judgments had no
impact on her, and God had done great things in her life, molding and shaping
her into His image. How dare I make such judgments!
There are those, however, who
are just as angry and bitter and unforgiving as I was at that time. My
key to the prison was just one more that kept them locked away in darkness,
wrath and bitterness. Or, my key may be the very one that opens opens the
prison door for them. Which will it be for you?
We see this same principle in
the following verses:
"A brother offended is harder
to be won than a strong city: and their contention [judgments] are like
the bars of a castle" (Proverbs 18:19).
Our judgments are like the bars
of a castle! And the bad news continues.
"If you forgive the sins of any,
their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they
have been retained" (John 20:23).
Please stop and take this in. This level of forgiveness is personal
and has nothing to do with God's overall vertical forgiveness of Sin—God
to man—for either the forgivor or the offender. That forgiveness
is forever. It is the horizontal—human
being to human being—forgiveness of which I speak.
We find this principle at the
end of the Lord's prayer. "For if you forgive men when they sin against
you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive
men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew
6:14-15 NIV).
If I refuse to forgive the sins of others against me, plain and simple,
the Lord will not forgive me. I am still saved and forgiven eternally,
but life will not go well for me until I begin the journey of forgiveness.
And there's more. Those sins become a stumbling block [and occasion for
offense] for both of us.
"Therefore let us not judge one
another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a
stumbling block [a cause for offense] in a brother's way" (Romans
14:13).
This scripture expresses the same
sentiment as John 20:23. When we judge someone, unless
they are more mature than we are, we are giving them cause to be offended
and to stumble. I know I feel offended when I think I am being judged wrongly.
I have to really watch my own attitude when something like this happens
to me.
Our judgments are like
the bars of a castle.
(Proverbs 18:19)
From my own experience, it seems
Jesus is saying that our unfor- giveness will cause the sins of others
to disturb and upset us until we forgive them. When we forgive them, we
are free of the torment of unforgiveness.
Now let's return to Matthew 18.
V. 31
"So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply
grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened."
